{Sunday, October 29, 2006}
I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING LAH.

im in a total mess. i havent decided on the subj combination yet.
and i feel like im a total loser
and i cannot take this anymore if its going to go on.
honestly, im going to collapse.

i mean like what the hell am i supposed to do next year w/o any of my friends?
im going to be a total failure/loser.
rocker.

everything's wrong now lah what the hell.
holidays are a time to rest, to sort things out, to clear up things.
and the heck is going on?
im having headache half the time.
happy.

i have a perfect family man.
a brother that calls me a jerk. and whats he going to call me next? bitch?
a mother that hates me and call my favourite clothes pieces of rags. and totally think that im the worst daughter ever that cannot understand her.
a stepfather thats like totally biased and queer and kuku and hates me too.
a grandmother that adds oil to the fire everytime and keeps talking pieces of crap. whats her problem.
i feel like crying for joy
i have a rocker family man, the best one.

you know what. ever since some time ago, i felt that hey syncro aint that bad. its nice, with the friends, the coach's great. im having not that bad a time.
but what she said today just like totally put me off. you know how hurt i was. i was practically crying most of the time. yes, before it was a nice period of time, she thought i was great, and i was doing great. but now its different. im a complete mess, im doing very badly, im deproving like dont know what, while others are like of a level ten times higher. and she realised it. she realised she wasted time on me. and im just a very stupid non syncro swimmer. as she says: only smart people can be syncro swimmers. and evidently, im not. she realised and she gave up having high hopes on me. and i really cannot stand her suaning, her niaoing, her sacarsm. i give up. i surrender, and she doesnt even realised how much she hurt me.
just forget it, its a mess, im a mess. and i cant stand it anymore.
i give up, and i give up this sport. im not going to excell in it anyway. i mean look at our team, its not even that good and im the lousiest of the group.
sam the natural syncro swimmer, pris the natural swimmer, stephanie the fast/flexible best in the team, rebecca the ultra figure & flexible, natalie the small and light and full of hope, yongzhen the ever improving one, natasha my twin the from start good and still improving full of hope for future girl, shona & shony the sisters catching up smiling more, and me = the no standard & no posture & no strength & no speed & no flexibility & full of attitude & stupid loser.
i want to quit. and im going to. just watch me.

what the best holiday i have. i cannot stand it already.
i honestly cant.
i cannot stand breaking down with no one seeing cause of stupid googles just cause of something she said/making a joke out of.

kayaking was fun
and my first sunburn is exciting. but im not looking forward to my second one of my life.

so is watching liverpool :D
oh yay crouch hah so cute i swear :D
i notice how clay aiken look abit like him :D
and i promise i love angmos much more.
i mean i saw a damn hot angmo in crystal jade and omg, damn hot + cute okay :D
and he's like at least 25. with a damn pretty girlfriend/wife.
i love angmos. i should migrate/go to some angmo country like spain or germany or even england to find my husband.

oh i was thinking. i cant believe relationships where you marry an old rich man and just wait for him to die to get money would work out.
i guess i belive in true love.
and i dont think i'll ever meet my dream guy.
i mean which angmo boyfriend will tell me to drink water :O

did i mention how i always limp nowadays.
my leg's just not there anymore.


i tell you i have the best life.
a life of a rocker

[[8:50 PM;



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KARON CHUNG (:
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